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20121101
20121130
Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)
access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org can. >> ste tonight scandal at the c.i.a. why can't claire danes get her [bleep] together. can meth be medicine. four out of five spiders on your face say yes. that all humans came from africa. >> see, i told you obama was from kenya. >> the president is about to pardon a turkey. what did the turkey know about benghazi. this is the "the colbert report". welcome to the program, everybody. [applause]. >> ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. >> thank you for joining us. i'm in the tv biz where it's all about the demographics. the demo we call it. i work hard to appeal to the millenials, for example, by calling them millenials. young people love to be target marketed by their birthdate and marketing power. >> you know "gangnam style." no idea what that means but they eat it up. that's right. that's why i stay up on all of the hottest millennial trends. right now there is nothing that 18 to 34 love more than soup player. you need proof. let me school on america's hottest liquid food trend. campbell's go the new youth skewing line of soups made especia
central captioned by media access group can. >> stephen: tonight, scandal at the c.i.a. why can't clare danes get her ( bleep ) together? ( laughter ) then can meth be medicine? four out of five spieds, or your face say yes. and my guest chris stringer is a paleoanthropologist who says all humans came from africa. see, i told you obama was from kenya. ( laughter ) ( applause ) the president is about to pardon a turkey. what did the turkey know about benghazi? ( laughter ) this is the "colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. folks, i'm in the tv biz, where it's all about the demo graphics -- the demo, we call it. so i work hard to appeal to the millennials. for example, by calling them millennials. ( laughter ) young people love being target marketed by their births date and purchasing power, you know, gangnam style. ( cheers and applause ) no idea what that means, but th
. ( laughter ) soup! now, nation, ever since former c.i.a. director david petraeus revealed his torrid affair, the scandal has the entire news-scape in a tizzy. >> the sex scandal that's rocked washington. >> a salacious sex scandal involving the now-former c.i.a. director. >> breaking new details on the fast-moving c.i.a. sex scandal. >> we have to talk about the fiscal cliff but i'm dying to ask you about the scandal because it's all anyone's talkin talking about. >> stephen: yeah. this sex scandal is all anybody in washington can talk about. i wonder why the country is in financial ruin? ( cheers and applause ) well, folks, i may be a news junky, but i also got to have my stories. and this is both. it's like a steamy episode of "general's hospital." ( laughter ) ( applause ) and these days-- these days, information, i spend my afternoons you know plopped on the couch in the housecoat, watching cnn with a virginia slim in bon hand and a box of after 8s in the other. i don't care if the news goes straight to my himself. it is me time. this story has got everything-- a decorated war hero has
with this marketing campaign. soup. now, nation, every since former c.i.a. former david petraeus announced his torrid affair the scandal has the entire news scape in a tizzy. >> the sex scandal has rocked washington. a salacious sex scandal involving the now former c ic.i director. >> breaking new details on the fast moving c.i.a. sex scandal. i'm dying to ask you about this scandal. it's all anybody is talking about. yeah. the sex scandal is all anyone in washington can talk about. i wonder why the country is in financial ruins? now, folks i may be a news junkie but also i got to have my stories. and this is both -- it's like a seamy episode of general hospital. and these days these days, folks, i spend my afternoons plopped on the couch in the housecoat watching cnn with a virginia slim in one hand and a box of the after ace in the other. this story has got everything. a decorated war hero homeowners america's spymaster. has an affair with his own sexy biographer who thinks that the spymaster with another biographer. she sends an e mame from a second e-mail and saying step out bitch. and the second
's been brainwashed by al qaeda who matches wits with a by polar cia op rattive who is convinced that he's part of an attack against america and is an on-again, off-again affair with him. >> here what i can't figure out. when do they charge their cell phones? they're always on them. always! and they're always full, never plugged into anything. not even in the car. it's always like full bars. dc, beirut, baghdad, great reception. makes the whole thing kind of unbelievable. (laughter) anyway, hi a great thanksgiving. i celebrated the traditional manner with my family or as the indians call them maze. but folks we all know thanksgiving is just a preamble to the holiest day the year, black friday. when americans-- when americans come together to bow before their lord the wal-mart rollback guy. because jesus isn't the only one who is saved. and black friday, because black friday las biblical roots. that's when the three wise men got that killer buy gold and frankincense get one myrrh free, deal. and folks this year was a great one for retailers. >> sales broke records both on-line and in stor
? (laughter) well, on friday, folks, our nation was dealt yet another blow. >> out of nowhere cia director david petraeus resigned after admitting he cheated on his wife. the other woman the person who wrote his biography, paula broadwell. >> stephen: their, he had an affair with his biographer, all-in, it appears-- it a pores that the title of chapter five anaconda-- (laughter) >> stephen: may not refer to a ground offense any afghanistan. whole different type of surge. (laughter) well, folks, this explosive revelation puts every biographer and subject under suspicion. meaning we can now say with some certainty that dora concerns goodwin banged abraham lincoln. i mean just listen-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: just listen to what she said on my show last week. >> it's sexy, don't you think? >> stephen: you mean lincoln or daniel-day lewis. was lincoln sexy? >> i think so and i've been saying it for years but everybody thought i was crazy. >> stephen: you pulitzer prize winning whore! (laughter) once again, my apologies to doris kerns goodwin, she is a great lady, no one should ever s
are enrolled in a secret space program for the c.i.a. >> stephen: no, you don't forget your roommate. why won't obama admit his and his roommate's secret martian past? for answers we turned to the investigator and author of "where is the birth certificate. ". i sat down for an exclusive interview with him by watching a video he posted on youtube. >> surprisingly in a bunch pictures everyone has seen of obama when he was in college he was wearing a wedding ring. >> stephen: but why? >> this say homosexual symbol for women stay away because he's married to his roommate boyfriend. >> stephen: the only possible conclusion, owe balma was gay married to andrew on mars. yes, mars. a planet named for the most fabulous of the gods. and one that the gays have been openly singing about for years. ♪ mars ain't the kind of place to raise a kid ♪ ♪ is there life on mars >> stephen: which explains why nasa named the mars rover curiosity. >> i think it's something president obama should be proud of and reveal to the american people. >> stephen: i confronted obama's exoa exeertor with the evidence of hi
Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)

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